Saturday, 16 November 2013

For Order's Sake

Four people sit around a round table. Four paper cups filled with hot water and stuff. Two people sit staring across a small table, they seem fine. One sits on a sofa reading. Just fine. How to measure if the world is in order?

DOES ANYBODY ELSE FIND LIFE PRETTY HARD RIGHT NOW?!

What was that? Some mad bloke running out the Starbucks with a stolen muffin. Is it worth it? Most definitely. Order means stability means boring.

AGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

He’s still running, dodging cars, prams, people on hen dos and stags. God those people. The birds cackle and the men howl, it’s a bloody jungle out there in Leicester Square. Is that order? It seems less frowned upon than madmuffinman but then again humping a bollard in jest while the lads cheer and chant, not that dissimilar.

SIRENS.

It is tiring. What? People. Trying to be a proper one. An upstanding one at that. Don’t litter, say thank you, make eye contact when you “cheers”. Always make eye contact (don’t be so fucking awkward - it comes off as rude - you moron).

“COLD AND HUNGRY. PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY”

Whatever you do don’t work for a charity, I honestly think people who work for charities only do it in order to make themselves feel better. That’s good advice, isn’t it. Bit sceptical but proves the case for apathy. Drones. I drone on and on and on and on until the voice becomes a murmur like a microwave while it’s spinning readymeals. Wholly disappointing. The banal is hilarious when you embrace it. Keep runnin’ muffinman, don’t let the bastards catch up with you.