Saturday, 21 December 2013


A dinner table scene.

Rimi: The curry’s good

Granny: Yes

Grancha: Can’t fault it

Dad: Thank you

Rimi: I might get a red pepper

Dad: The dish didn’t suit red peppers so I didn’t put one in, but there’s a whole yellow pepper in it

Rimi: I just meant for a side. I’d like to get a red pepper on the go

Granny: Ooh, yes that might be a good idea

Dad: But the dish didn’t suit red peppers so I didn’t put one in. If it was a tomato-based curry I would have included it

Rimi: I just want it as a side not criticising your meal

Dad: Look I I I don’t want to get in to an argument about it

Rimi: Me neither

She fumbles in the fridge

Dad: The peppers are in the sun porch

Rimi: Oh, do you keep all the vegetables in the sun porch?

Dad: The sun porch is a perfectly good place to keep the vegetables in the winter it’s cold enough in there

Granny: Would you like me to go and get you a pepper?

Rimi: No don’t worry

Grancha: I don’t want any more peppers in my meal

Dad: Neither do I, neither do I

She sits back down at the table, let’s forget about the pepper

Granny: Oh, do you know what we forgot to buy today?

Rimi: Light bulbs

Granny: We forgot those but another thing, Smash, we didn’t get any Smash

Dad: That’s a shame I won’t be able to make the bangers and mash tomorrow

Rimi: Don’t we have any potatoes?

Granny: Yes we do have potatoes

Rimi: Well we can just make mash from the potatoes. I can’t cook but I’ll have a go

Dad: I’ll have you know that I make mash from potatoes when I can - when I have the time - but the Smash actually saves a lot of time and that’s why I use it

Rimi: I prefer mash when it’s made from the potatoes

Granny: So do I

Dad: I prefer the Smash

Rimi: I don’t

Dad: And why is that?

Rimi: It tastes grainy

Dad: That’s because you’ve never had Smash made properly

Grancha: It all tastes the same to me

Dad: I use the Smash and get it to exactly the right consistency

Rimi: Well we can just use potatoes tomorrow as we didn’t buy the Smash

Dad: That's fine that’s fine but I’m telling you if you had Smash made by me you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between your potato-mash and mine

Rimi: You know what, I’m going to go and get a pepper

She exits the room

Granny: (Quietly) I don’t like red peppers, they don’t sit well with me in my stomach

She re-enters the room carrying a red pepper. Cuts it up on the chopping board and places the slices in to a bowl that she places on the table

Rimi: I do like the curry though

Dad: I cook it almost every week

Rimi: That’s nice. Does anyone want some peppers?

Grancha: No thanks

Granny: Not for me

Dad: No


Dad: I’d like to point out that because this a korma I didn’t put any red peppers in to the meal because it would conflict with the taste, that’s why I used a whole yellow pepper, but next time I’ll put more in now that I know you like them so much

Granny: No one’s asking you to do that darling

Rimi: I just like vegetables. I like to east them raw. So you don’t have to cook them or change your recipe for me

Granny: She likes to eat them raw

Dad: Also for the record there is no taste difference between peppers of this kind so I don’t see why you’ve chosen to bring a red pepper to the table when the korma contains peppers in it already

Rimi: It was dark in the sun porch and I grabbed any pepper. I didn’t see it was red until I brought it back in here. But point made the curry doesn’t suit red peppers we’re all agreed

Granny: That’s right

Short pause of realisation

Rimi: Hang on, if all the peppers taste the same then why were you going on about putting a yellow pepper in but not a red one because it would, what did you say, conflict with the base-taste of the meal?

Trying to avert the argument

Granny: I think there is a difference between the red and yellow peppers because the red ones don’t sit well with me

Rimi: And there’s a huge difference in taste between the green ones and these, don’t you think?

Granny: Yes yes

Dad: Not of this species of pepper they all taste the same

Rimi: I disagree –

Dad: (Resolutely) If I blindfolded you and gave you slices of the three different coloured peppers you would not be able to tell the difference

Rimi: I bet I could. Do you want to do an experiment? I can go and get the other peppers from the sun porch and we can cut a slice out of each one and then I’ll close my eyes and I bet you that I could tell you which one was green based on the taste

Dad: No you couldn’t. And No we won’t do that experiment

Rimi: Why not?

Dad: Because I want to save those other peppers for a later meal and if we cut into them they’ll go off

Rimi: You just don't want to lose the argument

Dad: No! Fresh vegetables do not keep if silly people cut bits out of them to prove a silly point

Long pause

Rimi: Or if silly people don’t want to be proven wrong

Dad: Dammit. We are not cutting in to the other peppers!

Grancha: Don't raise your voice at the dinner table

Rimi: I’m loving the meal. And these red peppers, delicious

Dad: Good good I’m glad you’re enjoying the meal


Granny: Does anybody want any ice cream?