Tuesday, 24 December 2013

Puss & Her


Rimi is wrapping her presents sat cross-legged infront of the roaring fire after a Christmas Eve meal. The members of the family are all going about their own business, stuffing dead turkeys and what not so no one pays any attention to her. Thankfully. She feels like with each present she wraps the closer she goes to insane. Puss her lifelong imaginary friend and cat sits upright purring beside her.

Puss: And what’s that?

Rimi: A torch

Puss: Who’s that for?

Rimi: Granny

Puss: What else did you get her?

Rimi: A bowl

Silence as she wraps and pulls off strips of sticky tape

Puss: Is that all?

Rimi: Yes

Puss: Just a torch and a bowl for Granny?

Rimi: Yes alright

Puss: She’s not an evacuee Rimi, nor is she a prisoner of war, why didn’t you get her anything pretty?

Rimi: Because I’m crap at this

Puss: What did your nice male-friend say? ‘It’s nice to give’. Why aren’t you like him?

Rimi: I do like giving just not when I’m forced to

Puss: Hence the torch and the bowl

Rimi: Yes. Are you going to just sit there licking yourself or can you help me with the wrapping

Puss: I’m afraid the cat cannot assist the human in worldly things, only metaphysically

Rimi: Right help you are

Silence as the cat licks her paw and cleans her face with it

Puss: How are you getting along with your father?

Rimi: Not great not badly, so middling

Puss: Have you got him anything in there? (nods at the plastic bag of bits and bobs)

Rimi: Peanuts

Pause

Puss: Really? You’re joking

Rimi: No. Yes he likes peanuts, or assorted nuts or whatever they are

Puss: You are a terrible gift buyer

Rimi: (Mumbles as she rips off the tape with her teeth) I’d like to see you do better with your claws and cat-face