I can feel the nasty being clawing itself out of me again. Some self-confessed psychopaths would call this “the dark thought”. I just think it’s an insufferable version of me, cruddy nihilistic un-self-assured (narcissist) me. She’s imagining all weird and warped things again like why other people in the world behave this way and that, and how they would disapprove of her for being a weirdo. And the bitch doesn’t even want acceptance only recognition and a shot of caffeine into her self-worth nodes that are sub par.
So, to combat this whoreish whinnying let’s do an I’m grateful for… list. This way you can focus all your negative energy into producing something earnest, which inevitably will be funny.
1. I’m grateful for moving screens which make adverts at tube stations more interesting and less drab and desolate.
2. I am grateful for laces on shoes and trainers because these laces can be changed offering different colours and textures to the wearer thus giving you more ways to express yourself than a solid state pair of shoes.
3. I’m grateful for bus shelters because if you’re caught in the rain whilst out on a walk it provides you with a free outdoor place to perch with no obligation to catch a bus (a literal shelter).
4. I’m grateful for hair product because it a) gives men’s hair a style which looks cool and so improving the overall attractiveness of a city #eyecandy b) can be put in my own hair to make it look like it’s messy on purpose c) makes hair smell better.
5. I am grateful for packets of crisps especially Hula Hoops, Nik Naks and Monster Munch. Firstly, as flavoursome and material reminders of childhood (olfactory nostalgia). Secondly because I’m not a fan of chocolate bars or peanuts or the like, so when on the go and requiring a boost of energy I can pick up a shiny foil bag and eat crisps whenever I want.
All of these things are pretty superficial I’ve realised so I’m going to try and up the gear here. That whining bitch is still gnawing away at me from the insides. Pitiable pathetic psyche.
6. I am grateful for rain because it makes crops grow. (Even if too much can cause flooding, I’m grateful.)
7. I am grateful that I can read because if I couldn’t I would have missed out on a whole lot of interesting shit.
8. I am grateful for music for feeding my stupid hungry soul when I’m afraid.
9. I am grateful for my friends for sharing in my highs and lows.
10. I am grateful for this day otherwise I wouldn't be me.