It Sucks To Be Me Without You

One of the things that most suck about Ogiichan’s death is that he’s not here anymore.

It may sound obvious but that’s what it means to miss someone isn’t it? When that person is no longer here or there or wherever you are.

He was one of the few people I really had time for.

                                                                                                               

And by that I mean you could sit quietly in his presence and not look at the clock.

Not even think about it (tock).

Just enjoy them being there and you being there as well.

There are people I can’t be bothered with walking around. I play games to make their time go faster. Like I pretend there’s a soundtrack playing behind their movements so I can imagine them as a “part” in a scene of a movie or a music video. I erase them out of existing for themselves to exist for my pleasure only. It’s completely self-engrossed and not something that I’m proud of.

But you have to admit, there are moments in life which are listless because of the time you have to share with such people.

It was never the case with that man.

Because he was happy not to be bothered. Happy to not hold our attention. Happy to be around even for no discernible reason. Didn't mind if we remembered him but was always glad when we did. He was happy to watch the birds outside and the flowers grow.

Not many of us are like that because I want to be heard. I want everything to be about me and if it’s not then it should be. I like to imagine others existing for me to watch, its our narcissistic trade. I miss being in a room with him because he brought me calm.

He held back the tides of time just by being there.